Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
