when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
