i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
