is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
