party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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