she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
