I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
