I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So many bounce houses so little time
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
