It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
