Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize