I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Someone shit on the floor
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
