you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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