You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
