Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
