She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
