i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
