i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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