I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
either way he was missing a nipple.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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