I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
