I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
