I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
where are my eyebrows?
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