The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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