No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
