Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
