I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
