roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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