I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
