As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
