Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You are a genius and a whore.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
