Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
