You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
