return my video game
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
