You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
