Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
