someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
