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Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Couch. On fire.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
