Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize