What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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