someone threw a dead crab at me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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