apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
