Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
