i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize