I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
