I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
