its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
