I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
