hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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