I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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