I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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