I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
