in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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