I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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