woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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