Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
