I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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