We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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