I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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