I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
