Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
