hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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