i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
there is puke in my bra ... again
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