a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
