I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
