Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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