I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This house was built for laser tag.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
