I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize