question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
