It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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