what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
