we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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