i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Boobs speak an international language.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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