I just saw a hot homeless man
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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