I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
