You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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