the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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