What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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