OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
