Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize