Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
