but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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