you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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