i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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