the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let's get the cat blown out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
