but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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