yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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