i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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