We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
