Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
