If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize