Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
