I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
