I am puke
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
