somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
