You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize