Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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