I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
