he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
