Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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