She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
