does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
