oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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