Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
