Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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